The Morning Spectre Incident
by Ultima-Matrixed
Summary: Commander Shepard finds herself in a embarrassing predicament and soon after begins a daunting quest of learning just what she did the night before. Comedy for the most part. M level. Yuri implied and possibly described.


_A/N: Eventually I ended up playing Mass Effect. And this is what came out of it. This will be the first in a series of chapters where this FemShep figures out just how she ended up in this particular predicament. For reference this Shepard is a Spacer/Lone Survivor/Vanguard with a very high Paragon rating._

(Citadel: Dock D24)

The hull of the Normandy SR2 had seen many different changes over the time of her commission. At first she flew the white, black and orange of Cerberus much to the chagrin of the crew of her predecessor the SR1. After commander Shepard voluntarily gave herself and her ship to the whims of the Systems Alliance the SR2 saw many changes both inside and out. Perhaps the most visible difference was a change in livery. Now she flew the blue of the Alliance and on this 'morning' something else.

The C-Sec scanners picked up something on the Normandy's hull during the last battery of compulsory scans that occurred every few hours when a ship was in dock. It was organic in nature which was what made it stand out. The only camera that had any view of the affected area could only make out a figure on top of the ship some distance from its maintenance hatches.

At first the security officers thought that it might be a duct rat that ended up somehow on top of the famous vessel. Perhaps the figure a kid that was seeking some notoriety or was taking vids to show his or her friends that they had fulfilled a dare by somehow clambering onto the frigate's hull.

In any case three officers made their way to the hapless figure knowing that they would soon need a way off. Civilians falling to their deaths or even to injury off of any Alliance vessel let alone the Normandy were very bad press for both them and for C-Sec.

And as the platform cleared the Normandy's starboard flank the picture became all too clear. At the very least the woman appeared to be unharmed. She appeared to have scars on portions of her exposed torso and back but no current or healing wounds of any sort. At least that was the good news. The two Turian officers stood in relative dumbfounded ness as they gawked at the naked woman. This was something rare indeed.

"Really, you two are just going to stand there and stare at the poor thing?" The Asari officer shook her head as she stepped off the platform and onto the Normandy. Dark strands of hair covered the woman's face as she emitted a low groan comparable to that of a sick Elcor. The Asari knelt in front of the woman as she slid her rifle onto her back. She cautiously reached out and gently nudged the woman's shoulder "Ma'am?"

The woman stirred long enough to flop onto her back inviting an even greater view of her body. The Turians for their part mused at how in shape she was. This woman either exercised religiously or was part of a militarized force. Such as it was they kept their comments to themselves the slight click of mandibles resonated as the woman shifted her legs leaving nothing to the imagination.

"We're on leave …" The woman murmured as she shifted around on her back. "Why is it so cold and hard…?"

"Ma'am, do you know where you are?" The Asari asked as she shifted her back to the other two officers attempting afford the woman at least a shred of privacy.

"What's with the ma'am stuff? And why won't you let me sleep?" The woman asked annoyed with the questions when she turned her head this time her hair fell away exposing her face.

"The Spirits … is that?" The two Turian officers stated as they now knew who it was. "Alliance News Network is going to have a field day with this."

"Not if they don't know about it! Get the commander and tell him what's going on!" the Asari stated as she was now faced with the task of waking a trained SpecTRe. She wasn't looking forward to embracing the Goddess quite so soon.

"Shepard! Commander Shepard!" The woman spoke at a higher volume. Almost instantly Shepard's eyes flung open and then winced as her head throbbed. The Commander realized that she was clearly not in her apartment or in her bed and that she was very exposed and also very hung over. The volume of the Asari's voice caused her to tremble in pain.

"Stop yelling! I can hear you." Shepard stated as she heard the sound of hover engine very close.

"Get them the hell out of here! And someone get me the Normandy!" The Asari barked as the news crews approached.

(Normandy: Starboard Corridor)

EDI had taken to walking the ship since gaining a body to move about. To be honest the data stream and concept of both was strange to her and congruent. She was actually walking around inside of herself. Comparison of data from the body's sensory nodes and the ships readings of the synthetic body had become a pastime. Or what she did as she tuned Joker out when he complained about 'this or that'. For being such a gifted pilot, he certainly complained a lot.

EDI quickly made note of clothing, actually two sets, that trailed towards the access hatch. They were uniforms, Alliance and female. EDI followed the trail and found the hatch though it was sealed.

"Curious, there should be two naked female soldiers here. Yet they seemed to have disappeared." EDI stated as she looked down shaft first and saw no one on the lower deck. This was getting increasingly unorthodox and the AI was becoming more and more concerned. She then climbed to the top of the shaft and quickly checked her interfaces finding that something was obstructing the hatch. EDI thought about how it was well enough that she had found this now. An independent latch would not show up on her scans and the Normandy was in drydock so it was an opportune time.

"Jeff, the starboard side hatch on the third deck appears to be obstructed. Please add it to the engineer's fix list." EDI said as she projected herself into her interface on the helm.

"You're there, why don't you figure it out yourself?" Joker declared unhappily from the helm.

"I am not a maintenance unit. I do not possess the necessary tools to diagnose this hatch." EDI retorted back.

"What do you think the wrench monkeys do EDI? They press on the hatch until it opens." Joker responded. "If you're that curious then try it yourself. Otherwise… wait." Joker paused as he noticed the unusual amount of hover traffic outside. "EDI, do a proximity scan of the Normandy. Nothing big, just scan the hull." Joker said as he craned his neck trying to see.

"There seems to be extra weight on the hull as if individuals were standing on it. Jeff, there are no hull inspections scheduled today." EDI reported back.

"All the more reason…" Joker said as he pulled himself up and craned his neck even further and looked out. "… to force that hatch open. C-sec boosted security since the theft. So whoever's out there shouldn't be. EDI, have you noticed anything else strange?" Joker asked.

"I've located two female uniforms on the floor in the corridor leading to the hatch. The reason why I asked about the hatch in the first place was because I found the clothing." EDI said. Joker's mind began to twist in such a very vile way as he quietly smirked to himself. He reached over and keyed in the Citadel news feed. And was instantly shown the outside of the ship, two Turian C-Sec officers trying to wave off the media as an Asari officer attempted to obscure someone who was clearly nude. The caption was the most telling.

'LEGENDARY HUMAN SPECTRE CAUGHT DISPARIGING PUBLIC MORALS'

"EDI, there's someone who's naked outside that hatch. For public safety reasons you must retrieve them!" Joker stated as his fingers moved almost faster then during battle. Each visual interface on the Normandy became inundated with the news feed. Nearly faster was the sending of the vid link to all extranet addresses of Normandy's crew. Luckily Joker had been smart enough to use a slug address.

"Then I will not delay." EDI said as she pushed upward and the hatch swung open with ease though the resounding thud wasn't promising. EDI soon found herself face to face with a trio of C-Sec officers various news drones and hover cars flying about.

"Ouch…" Shepard said as her back and face throbbed. Though the position she landed in would probably prevent her from taking any interviews for a long time. There would no longer be any mystery regarding carpets matching drapes.


End file.
